Justin Timberlake is one of the most talented people...EVER

There. I said it, and I believe it. Of course, I did once beg God to let me marry him, but that's besides the point. I was 17. (Not that I would pass up a proposal if the offer was on the table now.)

Whether or not you're a fan or even connect with what he does, you can't deny his talent. But I also believe it doesn't come without a lot of hard work. You don't get to be good at so many things without putting in the effort.

Case in point:



XO-
EBG

Reason Why

Reason Why - Rachael Yamagata

Album - Happenstance

I met a friend at the mall today for lunch. As we sat talking, we were approached by a woman who told us there was quite a bit of energy surrounding us. Especially me. Now, this woman was a little awkward, yet I was intrigued. She went on to tell me that it was very positive energy, but there was also some jealousy floating around. Not from me, but someone else directed to me. (That in itself made me laugh. I don't quite have the envious life right now.)

Then she said that someone from my past was about to resurface, and it was someone who had hurt me and changed the way that I love. She also said that there is someone in my life now who wants to be with me but is immature and afraid of commitment. Great.

Of course, she didn't give me any names, but she did give me her card and told me she would do a full reading at her office down the street for $75. Or I could have the reading at the mall for $30 or 40. I had to get back to work. It's not that I don't believe in psychics, it's just that 1. I don't want to know the future and 2. I believe the future is subjective. (For you Twilight readers, it's a little in line with how Alice sees the future. You might be able to predict it if everything stays on its current course, but there are too many elements that can change, and once one of those alters its course, everything else does, too.)

But, I am curious. Who are these mystery people? Mr. Resurfacing could really only be 1 of 3 people. Actually, really only 1 of 2. We've all had our hearts broken, but there have only been 2 that have "changed the way that I love." There were only 2 that I trusted to never hurt me, and they did. The others, I always had a guard up, and though my heart broke when our relationships ended, I never really had a solid belief in them. But these 2, I never thought could do the damage they did. Some might be surprised that number 3 didn't really make the cut. But number 3 was never really a great love. I just desperately wanted him to be.

When I moved to Los Angeles, I listened to Ms. Yamagata over and over and over again. This was my parting song. This is my letting go song. The psychic didn't say what I should do when Mr. Resurfacing resurfaces, but I'm hoping it just brings peace. That I can wish the best for him, and maybe have a chance with Mr. Immature and Afraid of Commitment. Now that's someone that I have no idea who to guess. Who knew I had so many prospects?

There's been so much letting go and searching for peace happening within me lately that I find myself completely exhausted by the end of each day. It's almost like I am making room inside for someone new to be a part of my life, like I'm becoming whole so that I can give a piece of myself away.

"So, I'll head out alone and hope for the best.

We can pat ourselves on the back and say that we tried.

And if one of us makes it big, we can spill our regrets

And talk about how the love never dies.

But you and I, know the reason why

I'm gone and you're still there.

I'm gone and you're still there.

I'm gone and you're still there."

And my wish to Mr. Resurfacing, the wish that it took me a long time to be able to say and to mean: "I wish you well, and hope you find whatever you're looking for."

XO-

EBG

Glee Review - Britney Episode

I hate being disappointed. And I've been looking forward to this episode for a very long time. So, I'm just going to go for it and list my complaints...er, thoughts.

1. It wasn't even the anesthesia part of the story line I thought was weak, I just thought the whole episode was disjointed giving a very last minute thrown together result. Almost like the writers got the "Britney OK," lined up all the songs they wanted to use, added in some dialogue, and hit record on the video camera. And I'm sorry, when exactly to Mr. Shu become so insecure? Cause I missed that evolution.

2. We all know Brit Brit is not a great actress, but she agrees to be in the freakin' episode and that's how you use her? I love Santana, but come on! How great would it have been if Brittany and Britney had performed "Me Against the Music." Un, awesome.

3. I know Heather Morris is an INCREDIBLE dancer, but she doesn't have Britney's umpf. Brit can perform the heck out of a paper bag. Heather can dance the heck out of a potato sack, but I just need some more attitude. And I think the girl is HILARIOUS (yes, I like all caps for emphasis) with her one liners, but they seemed to lose their zest when they become paragraphs. She's so funny because she's so simple, but when the thoughts become, well, full fledged thoughts, they lose the funny part of being so random. They become too thought out. (And though I did think the reveal of her last name was funny, could have used a little more build up.)

4. I love Britney. I would just like to preface this by saying that. But she's not exactly the best singer in the biz. But her music is supposed to sound gritty and synthesized and, well, overly produced. Lea Michele, bless her beautiful voice, just made it sound too pretty. Too much like a little girl playing dress up. Brit Brit made it scandalous. Normally, the Glee cast adds so much to a song, making it their own. But these versions of all the songs erased all of Brit's attitude, making it fluff. Annoying fluff.

5. THOUGH, I did love Mr. Shu's voice added to Toxic. A male voice was a nice touch. Of course, I was a little distracted by his ridiculous and completely out of character antics to be able to pay much attention.

6. Why did Kurt not get a solo? He was the Britney advocate and didn't even get to be in Stronger. He totally could have rocked it.

7. Which leads me to, why would you copy all of the other videos, yet have a perfectly good set up with Artie in the chair and not use the Stronger dance routine? It could have been AMAZING. Cheap.

8. Where was Oops? I could even write a great scene for that song. Just because you put on the space suit, doesn't mean the song was represented. And I'm Not a Girl? Um, Lea could have actually done something great with that. Sometimes? Even Boys. There are some great songs that could have organically been put in. It worked in the Madonna episode. Even Lady Gaga (I believe Poker Face was used well). But I just don't know what happened here.

9. On a positive note, I LOVE John Stamos as Carl. This I can work with. Keep him around! Especially with how annoying Shu was. Ugh! (Sue was great, though. Jane Lynch rocks my world just like she does everyone else's.)

10. And, finally, a Paramore song? Honestly? Everything has been all about this fantastic Britney episode that's coming up, and you end with a Paramore song? But the part that gets me the most...it was the only rendition of all of the songs that I actually liked and might download. That hurts.

Ok. I feel better. I don't go on TV rants much anymore, but COME ON! Britney was on Glee, and it was awful. Cringe-worthy. Done now.

XO-

EBG

If I Die Young

If I Die Young - The Band Perry

Album - The Band Perry EP (Full length out in October)

I don't know a lot of country music. And I definitely don't know how to find new country music. So, that's my sister's job. Today, after telling me that she downloaded A Fine Frenzy thanks to my Excellent Use of Music in TV Award last week, she sent me the name of The Band Perry. I had never heard of them, but I'll listen to anything once.

So, I go to their MySpace page (I hope MySpace learns to capitalize on the music, they might stick around for a while), and listen to the first song. If I Die Young. Then I listen to it again. Then I look up the lyrics. Then I watch the video. Then I watch the behind the scenes of the video. And then I watch the video on writing the song. Am I obsessed?

I don't have a fear of death. Or maybe I should say I don't have any sort of fear of the afterlife. What I do fear is not accomplishing everything I want to while I'm alive. I don't believe in Bucket Lists (though I do love The Buried Life on MTV). As much as I'm a checklist person, I don't need to "do" a bunch of things before I die to feel like I've had a full life. I want to be able to look back and say that I loved infinitely, laughed often, danced in the rain at every given chance, and that I left the world a better place than when I entered it. I absolutely love adrenaline rushes, and I'm usually up for almost anything. An adventure seeker some might call it. But that's part of my personality, it's what fuels me. It's not what I want to do. I want to connect people, help different parts of the world understand each other, understand tolerance. We're not really all that different, and I think the world would be a much happier, more peaceful place if we could just understand that. Understand similarities, enjoy differences.

But that being said, I don't feel like I've really done that, yet. And my greatest fear is leaving this earth before I do. I want to believe the words of this song, to sing them to myself and be at peace with death. But I'm not, yet. I don't feel like I've done anything "great" with my life. What's stopping me? Laziness? Fear of failure? I don't think it's either of those.

A friend posted this quote on her facebook page the other day. I actually think this sums it up more than anything else. I think I don't always feel like I deserve to be great:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same."

But now is a better time than any to start being great. Fabulous. Fierce. I love that word. Fierce. It feels strong, passionate, ready. That's what I feel now. Fierce.

Now, I just need to put it to use. And the only thing that's stopping me is...well, me. The more we give to the world, the more we get back. Life takes work. Relationships take work. Dreams take work. The question is, am I willing to work? Am I willing to risk it all?

I spend a lot of time afraid to want things because they may not be what God wants for me. But these past few months, I've tried to focus on lining up my wants with God's wants. I guess now is the time to start trusting that we're finally on the same page and to allow myself to feel these wants, to walk, or better yet run, towards them. If I'm going to trust God to lead more towards infinite happiness, I also have to trust that he's put me on the right path. Doesn't matter where I've been or how I got here. A new path begins with each step, enabling a change of direction, a change of scenery, a change of the outcome. Now, it's just putting my faith in that outcome, believing that my wants are not selfish. They're gifts that I only get if I work for them.

"The things, good Lord, that we pray for, give us the grace to labor for." - Saint Thomas More

XO-

EBG

Signs in the Leaves

Signs in the Leaves - Azure Ray

Album: Drawing Down the Moon

I haven't been great at keeping a journal since high school. Back then I did a pretty good job, but I have this thing with always wanting to "start over." So I would buy a new journal every few months to mark a new phase of life. What it boils down to is a whole lot of journals with just a few entries.

This year I started what I call my "Truth Journal." Sometimes it's hard for me to get all of my thoughts out in a coherent way, mainly because it takes too long to get to the point of what I'm needing to work through. I don't know why I always need to tell myself the backstory, but I guess that's just part of the sorting through my thoughts process. But now I have my "Truth Journal" which is basically a place where I list out (because I am my mother's child therefore LOVING lists) whatever I'm feeling. It can be anything from: I really hated XYZ movie to I lied today about liking a band to impress someone. And from I had the best conversation about ABC with so and so to I'm severely sad and lonely and don't know how to fix it.

I'm human. I have ups and downs. I feel like writing down the ups makes them sink in and it helps the downs seem not so bad. But today I had a large amount of things that are currently making me angry. I hate being angry. I feel like it's an ugly emotion and it makes me say things and behave in a way that I don't like who I am. I definitely don't want to list them here because I don't need to broadcast them to the world, but it's weighing so heavily on me.

I know we can't make people do and say the things we want them to do and say. I can't make people change. I'm not someone that hides my emotions. However, I don't talk about them a lot. Mainly because I don't always think that people care...or at least the people that I want to care often don't. It's a defense mechanism. If I feel like someone doesn't care, I walk away. If someone makes me feel sad or worse weak, I protect myself by creating distance. If I feel let down, I don't rely on that person anymore. It doesn't mean I love them any less, or that I won't be there for them, I just keep a part of myself hidden. I've never been someone that knows how to ask for help, so I can't be mad when people don't offer it. But I've started to realize that by closing a piece of myself off from the people that have hurt me, disappointed me, I'm also losing that feeling of connecting that we always long for.

I'm obsessed with the new Azure Ray album. Every song speaks to me in a different way. But tonight, it's this one:

I'm a little worried

That I killed something inside of me

When I let you go

Days were dark with you in my mind

I thought it best to be free

And now the birds don't sing

And the trees don't speak

And I don't see signs in the leaves

Anymore

I'm a little worried

That I killed something inside of me

When I let you go

It's a stranger's eyes that won't meet mine.

There's nothing left there to divide

'Cause the birds don't sing

And the trees don't speak to me

And I don't see signs in the leaves

Anymore

I'm a little worried

I'm a little worried

That I killed something inside of me

When I let you go

When I let you go

When I let you go

The truth is, I know the people that care about me would feel horrible if they knew how badly their actions sometimes hurt. But sometimes I just don't have it in me to tell them, to deal with their defenses or excuses. I also don't want to hurt them. Maybe I'm afraid the honesty would only drive more of a wedge. Or maybe I'm afraid the honesty would force them to act in a way that's not natural. Or maybe I just don't want to be needy, and it's easier to hurt in silence than ask someone to care about something they don't.

I know my views on the world are not always conventional, and that people don't always want to hear them. But it's taken me a long time (almost 30 years) to fully grasp what they are. How I look at life, love, family, our part in this world is so much a part of who I am. But I don't want to freely give them to people who don't want to hear...some of those people are the ones who love me the most. But I also know that that means if I keep all of these thoughts and beliefs bottled up inside, the people that I want to be closest to, the people that think they know me so well, never really will. And that breaks my heart.

XO-

EBG

Happy Working Song

Happy Working Song - Amy Adams
Album - Enchanted Soundtrack

This is one of those times where this was totally NOT my day...but I wish it was. I did clean all day to music, I just didn't have cute little rodents helping me. But my apartment is now SPOTLESS and organized (still very tiny, though). And my downstairs neighbor has started feeding squirrels so now when I walk by his apt to get to mine, they stalk me like they're about to attack. It's a little alarming and not near as adorable as the below video makes it seem like it would be.

(I would also like to note that the Disney fairy tale I wish was my life looks more like High School Musical than Cinderella, but really I'll take either. Singing and dancing? Count me in.)


XO-
EBG

Everyday

Everyday - Buddy Holly
Album - Peggy Sue B-Side

I have been humming this song all day. It's on a commercial right now, though I couldn't tell you which one. I've watched a LOT of TV in the past 24 hours, so there's no telling. But as I'm cleaning my apartment getting ready for the next 3 weeks (my friend Cait comes next week, then I fly to TX to spend a night at ACL in Austin, then onto to my hometown for the major wedding countdown), I just feel like this song is my life.

Of course the only line I repeat is the title line:

Everyday it's a gettin' closer, going faster than a roller coaster. Love like yours will surely come my way.

It's a happy song about life moving fast. And isn't that the truth? The happiest moments of my life have been the fastest. These next 3 weeks are going to be amazing, and I want to relish in them. But as much as I want my sister's wedding day to come (because it is going to be the happiest day of her life), I also don't. Because then it's over, and the fun and the celebrating will have come and gone. It's like summitting a mountain, you work so hard to get to the top, but after a few minutes of relishing in the view and your accomplishment, you have to go back down. But that being said, my favorite moment (besides relishing in the view) of hiking is after I've gotten back to the cabin and showered and can sit on the porch with a beer, letting my body ache, and smiling at the memory. Same thing with dances in high school. I would get home, get a big bowl of ice cream and sit on the couch in my dress and remember the night.

My guess is three weeks from tonight, I'll be doing the same thing...only in a bridesmaid's dress with wedding cake. Complete with a huge smile about how blessed I am...and probably very sore feet from dancing the night away. But if the roller coaster could slow down just slightly, it would be much appreciated. Or maybe I should just throw my hands in the air and let the adrenaline rush hit, laughing all the way.

XO-
EBG

TCU's Fight Song

TCU's FIGHT SONG...because it was played a lot today as we crushed SMU. And that's reason enough.


XO-
EBG

Excellent Use of Music in TV - Ashes and Wine

And today's winner goes to...

Vampire Diaries! (Crowd goes wild.)

For its exceptional use of A Fine Frenzy's Ashes and Wine in the last few minutes of Thursday's episode "Bad Moon Rising." ESPECIALLY, when Elena asks Damon if he knew Jeremy had on the ring that would prevent him from dying. When he answers honestly, and heartbreakingly, "no," we know that their friendship is over...since she tells him it is. (Of course, it's only the second season, so "over" means probably 2-3 episodes of heavy banter. Which I LOVE.)

I can't find the video online, and am not tech savvy enough to create it by myself...so here's a live version of the song, and a picture of Damon. Stare at it while listening to the song and feel your own heart melt. I don't have a brother, so I don't know what it would be like for a vampire to try to kill him. But seriously, how can you walk away from this?

Is there a chance?
A fragment of light at the end of the tunnel?
A reason to fight?
Is there a chance you may change your mind?
Or are we ashes and wine?

Enjoy!

XO-
EBG

Kick Drum Heart

Kick Drum Heart - The Avett Brothers
Album: I and Love and You

Last night I went to a "Cheap Wine Tasting" Girl's Night at a friend's, where everyone was supposed to bring a bottle of wine under $10, then we would vote for the best, and they would win a prize. I won for the white! Which was wonderful in itself, but my real prize came when a friend looks at me and goes "I know and love this song! And it's because of you!"

The Avett Brothers' Kick Drum Heart had just come on, and of course I had made the Wine Night Playlist, and she knew it from my 2009 Music Review. But I felt so proud. Because, really, that's the point. I make mix tapes because I want to spread the songs that I love. I also feel like when you listen to a whole album, sometimes the songs blend together if you're not fully paying attention. But just like wines change with smells and other tastes you have before and after you drink, songs change with not only the setting and mood you're in, but the music they're surrounded by. One of my goals for every tape is that the songs flow into each other, so that nothing is too jarring, but that they stand out against one another as well. There's a definite melodic story that I try to reach. Picking the songs is only the first step, arranging them is a whole other process.

And this particular song? I'll be honest, it made the cut because "I and Love and You" was too long, and I was trying to fit as many songs as possible on the 2009 CD. But it's better that it did. It's a happy song. Just like last night was a happy occasion. Even though it IS a love song, or at least comes across that way, the stanza:

I won't look back anymore
I left the people that do
It's not the chase that I love
It's me following you

I feel could be a good theme for my life right now. It's not about the rush of the chase, or trying to grasp onto something better. And I'm tired of looking back wishing for what was or wondering if I should have chosen different. It's following the path that leads to my dreams...and everything that I get to do and see along the way. And the beat, the kick drum beat, is a great pace setter.

Cheers to good wine and good friends (and good playlists that are too long to post)!

XO-
EBG

Songs for Ilir

I have a new friend...and new friend means new playlist. There's a lot of pressure when someone asks me for a mix tape, especially if it's the first time. For starters, I don't know him very well, so I only have a small glimpse into what music he likes. For instance I know he's going to Band of Horses this weekend so I know he likes that type of music, but it also means I don't need to put them on the tape. I know he enjoyed Florence at the VMA's, but I was enjoying her enough for the entire audience so it could have just rubbed off. And, 3. He was really impressed with B.O.B. at the House of Blues. Not very helpful.

So, my goal...a perfect mix of 1. Songs that are from my "Forever Favorites" list on iTunes, 2. New music that he probably hasn't heard that I've been listening to on repeat, and 3. Artists that have made a big splash in my musical world the past few years that I feel obligated to pass on.

Mix tapes are a rough business, but someone has to do them. I'll take this one for the team.

Songs for Ilir

1. The Night Starts Here - Stars
2. The Cave - Mumford and Sons
3. Runaway - The National
4. The Diamond Church Street Choir - The Gaslight Anthem
5. I Was Made For Sunny Days - The Weepies
6. Cannibal Resource - Dirty Projectors
7. The Crane Wife 3 - The Decemberists
8. Two - The Antlers
9. Drinking Again - Collin Herring
10. Don't Leave My Mind - Azure Ray
11. Old Before Your Time - Ray LaMontagne
12. I Feel Ya Strutter - Of Montreal
13. Daylight - Matt and Kim
14. Help I'm Alive - Metric
15. Heavy Cross - Gossip
16. Baby - Devendra Banhart
17. I And Love And You - The Avett Brothers
18. Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy
19. Many Happy Regrets - Tim Locke

XO-
EBG

The Cave

The Cave - Mumford & Sons
Album: Sigh No More

This is what I call a "Core Craver." It's not a song that gets stuck in my head, or a great lyric I find myself singing, it's not even a catchy pop song that makes me want to dance. It's a song that my core literally craves to hear over and over again, and as the music swells so does something inside of me.

The melody starts off simple and low, then it slowly starts to build...the words and the music. About a third of the way through, my shoulders can't help but bounce a little and I sit or stand taller as if the song itself is flowing from my toes to my head forcing my spine straighter, my breaths deeper, my heart bigger.

"So come out of the cave walking on your hands
And see the world hanging upside down
You can understand dependence
When you know the maker's hand"

By the time the lyric below hits, and the music inerlude afterwards, I feel like I'm about to explode and I want to live in this song for as long as possible. I want to stretch the moment, to feel this feelings and scream these lyrics as loud as I can.

"Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be"

And then it ends, and I need the feeling to happen again so badly. So, I hit repeat. Unfortunately, on the mix tape I made, this song is followed by The National's Runaway which is also a major Core Craver for me. The two of these together pretty much send me over the edge (in the best way possible.)

Tonight was a good night, almost like this song. Great conversation with a great person in a great place. My friend is a writer as well, and sometimes, actually a lot of the time, I just need those conversations. Since the person I talk to most about writing is so far away, and though I wish she were here with everything I have, I know she can't be, I've been wishing for someone who just "gets it" to be closer. And it was nice to have a piece of that last night. Writing is lonely, it's a constant battle of me against myself, making myself do it, making myself believe I'm good enough, my craft is good enough. It's a constant "talking myself off of a limb." There are doubts, and to know that other people, very talented people, share those doubts about themselves, make the load easier to bear.

I feel like the meaning of this song is a mix between two things. 1) Learning to free yourself front the constraints the world, other people, and yourself put on you so you can live the life you were created to have. To live your potential best life. And 2) Knowledge is freeing. Living in the "cave" is like living in the dark, only seeing surface level. But I truly believe each level you dig deeper (or shine some light on), whether it be getting to know a person, the lyrics to a song (or any piece of art), an idea. Understanding the details, philosophies, the meaning of things, only makes the bigger picture that much more beautiful.

I know sometimes I dwell too much on the details, but I have a deep need to understand things. I feel like understanding is what connects all the pieces of the world. That's what makes up the big picture.

XO-
EBG

Billionaire

Billionaire - The Glee Version (not the Travie McCoy version)

Honestly, I actually hate this song. But I LOVE IT on Glee...cause I love everything on Glee. And Glee starting tonight was pretty much the most exciting thing that happened today. Plus, I'm digging the new cast members (which this song featured one of). Not sure who gets to stick around all season, but I'm open to some fresh faces.



Although, tonight's episode did have some intense moments, (Anti-bullying ad, anyone?) I have high hopes for this season. Since my television schedule went from about 27 shows a week to 3, I have to promote those 3.

Glee, tonight you win! (Plus, no one can tell me at least a tiny part of them doesn't want to be a billionaire.)

XO-
EBG

I Was Made For Sunny Days

I Was Made For Sunny Days - The Weepies
Album: Be My Thrill

This song came on my iPod half way through my jog this morning, and I've been singing it all day. When a song runs through my head like this, I kind of feel like it is playing somewhere, following me around in the montage of my life. And with a song like this on loop, how can the day be bad? Sometimes it just takes forcing myself to listen to upbeat songs, or by God's chance just having them come on, to put me in a good mood. I mean, who really loves Monday's? Today, I actually did.

XO-
EBG

PS. Tried to watch 90210 tonight...it was painful. Then tried to watch The Event to feel out the hype...I just don't know. I was lost most of the episode, and then when it came together at the end, my first thought was "It better not be aliens." I read a message board that said something about time travel, though. That I can get behind.

The Sound of Settling

*Beginning note: Dog Days Are Over came on at the restaurant at dinner and I got so excited I hit the friend sitting next to me. Might have given her a bruise. That's what a good song does to me (the excitement, not the violence).

Sound of Settling - Death Cab for Cutie

Album: Transatlaticism

"Bop ba. This is the sound of settling. Bop ba."

That line has been on repeat in my head for days. Today was an interesting day...in a very non-interesting type way. I woke up early to move my car since it was parked on a "no parking" between 8 AM and 8 PM street, and then I went back to bed. I haven't been feeling nearly as exhausted today as I was this week, but I guess my body just wanted to make sure before Monday comes tomorrow. So the first of the day was slow...not accomplishing anything I had set out to do. It's a frustrating feeling, not being able to find the motivation, but having no one to blame but yourself. The walls of my very tiny apartment began to close in on me, so I decided to go see Never Let Me Go.

*SPOILERS IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE STORY*

Synopsis can be read here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Never_Let_Me_Go

The movie is beautiful, yet slow. In my head I think of it as a Brokeback Mountain where it feels like a nice melody with a few crescendos but nothing really happens. Yet, you just sort of float along waiting for the train wreck that never really happens because no one ever fights for anything. So, the movie ends, and I'm beyond frustrated. As Americans we live in a world where if you want something you either resign to the fact that you're too lazy to go after it, or you fight for it. These characters did neither. They wanted something, they longed for it, and they made strides towards it, but they never really fought. The lady sitting next to me noted to her husband that it was based on a book by a Japanese author and that made sense. I leaned over casually to listen along, finally joining in the conversation as it continued. The woman, who I found out when the lights came up is in fact Asian, explained that Japanese culture is very much a "this is the way things are, and we can't change them." That's not very eloquently put, but according to her, they believe that destiny is more of a pre-determined path than a choice. So, when Kathy and Tommy go to the headmistress towards the end and ask for a deferral, it is their way of fighting. It allowed me to take the message of the movie easier, suspend my own personal beliefs and understand the last few lines of the film.

Kathy looks out over an open field, having lost the love of her life and her best friend (even if she was a traitor) and says that they weren't so different from the rest of the world. Everyone eventually reaches "completion" and they probably loved more than many of us (the rest of the world) ever will. They didn't settle, knowing their lives would end sooner than they were supposed to. They still tried to live and love. I do wish they had tried a little harder, but it wasn't in their making. They were programmed at the time of birth for this destiny, and the accepted it, but refused to let that take away their humanity. The refused to not have souls.

After the movie I met a few friends for dinner (and heard Florence belt her beautiful voice). On the way, I was talking to a friend and the subject of facebook came up. Facebook is something I both love and hate, think is brilliant and might ruin society all at the same time. It makes me think of how all of this social networking, cell phones, television, internet, the blog I'm writing right now, connects us and separates us. My friend that I was talking to had just returned from Iceland, and I love the fact that while she was there she could load pictures and within minutes, from thousands of miles away I could see what she saw. It made her feel not so far away. Yet, as I arrived at the restaurant and was waiting for the table, I look over to see my three friends all on their cell phones. One of them claims it was because they heard a 'ding' and were all checking, but it wasn't a quick check. Even at dinner, the conversation was stifled by phones. Granted it was looking up movie times and song lyrics and checking other people's facebook status (is that really necessary all the freakin' time)? But all that information at our fingertips makes it hard to have a conversation these days. And it's so frustrating.

I implemented a new rule Friday night. I was in the car with a friend and she answered a phone call and continued to talk to this person for a good 5 to 10 minutes...which is a long time when you're in a car. I asked her if we could not answer phone calls when we were hanging out. She agreed and completely understood my point, but I hate that that's even a factor. Not just for her, but for me. Even at Disneyland last Saturday, I checked my phone after every ride to see who had posted Happy Birthday on my wall. I felt bad when someone called and I couldn't answer because I didn't want to be rude to Natalie. People get angry because I'm very much an "on my terms" person when it comes to cell phones, email, and texting. I will return your message when I'm ready because I don't want it to run my life. I don't want to feel chained to it or for it to put a wedge between someone I'm actually spending time with in person. I feel like we all deserve better than that.

Life, love, friendships...who wants to settle? "If you've got an impulse, let it out" (that's a line from the song). As we were leaving dinner, my friends were going to get yogurt and I declined the invite. (I've already had Yogurtland and Diddy Riese this weekend). They all laughed saying it was a social thing, not about the yogurt. But we had just had a dinner full of long silences and cell phone checking and I don't think one person asked what I had done today. (Probably a good thing since I hadn't done much and can't really talk about the movie until others see it.) But we had plenty to talk about. There is so much happening in the world right now...even if it's movies, books, music, or, heaven forbid, worldly events. Maybe I rely too much on conversation. Maybe I should relish in the silence a little more. Maybe I'd hear something words can't say. Or maybe it's just awkward to be at a table with four people and no words at all.

I look at today, which had frustrating moments, but was a good day, and am grateful for my life. It's a good life. But I don't want a good life, I want a great life. God gave me the good without me having to do anything. But He's made it pretty clear I have to fight for greatness. He doesn't want me to "Sit and wonder of every love that could've been." He wants me to have all those loves. (And when I say loves, I don't just mean a person. I mean an experience, a place, a feeling.) That I know without a doubt.

XOXO

-EBG

Sex Songs for Lisa

My first new mix tape of 29! This is very exciting!

Last night, I went to a friend's bachelorette part. And what's a party without a soundtrack? So, I compiled a list of sex songs I think she needed to have in her collection. I feel it's a good mixture between fun and dirty and sexy and sultry. All centered around one very obvious subject.

SEX SONGS FOR LISA:
1. Future Sex/Love Sounds - Justin Timberlake
2. Let's Talk About Sex - Salt-N-Pepa
3. Fantasy - Ludacris
4. Sex Karma - Of Montreal (featuring Solange Knowles)
5. Sex for Breakfast - Christina Aguilera
6. Let's Get It On - Marvin Gaye
7. All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You - Heart
8. Like a Virgin - Madonna
9. I'll Make Love To You - Boyz II Men
10. I Want Your Sex, Pts 1 & 2 - George Michael
11. Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) - Joan Jett
12. Closer - Nine Inch Nails
13. Glory Box - Portishead
14. Crash - Dave Matthews Band
15. Succexy - Metric
16. I Touch Myself - Divinyls
17. Music Is My Hot, Hot Sex - CSS

Enjoy!
XOXO-
EBG

Stay Beautiful

Stay Beautiful - Taylor Swift
Album: Taylor Swift

Some days are just Taylor Swift kinda days...slow paced and comfortable. No rushing around, no trying to accomplish everything at once. Watching some good Texas football (GO HORNED FROGS!), and enjoying an evening out with the girls. There's nothing complicated about a Taylor Swift song, and I mean that with the highest praise. Somedays I just want background music with lyrics that are familiar and easy to sing a long to. Simple songs about love and friendship that don't make me think too hard and don't stir up any emotions I don't want to deal with. They just make me smile.

Today has not really been a dance around the room type day, it's more of a gentle, peaceful sway. The sun is shining through my window, I'm reading a good book, catching up with friends, and content with life just being good. I like today!

XOXO
-EBG

Here Comes the Sun

Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles

Album: Abbey Road

It took me a little while to find the perfect song for today. This past week has been a little bit of a haze, maybe a little too much birthday fun this past weekend...Disneyland and the VMA's will do that to you. I haven't been able to get out of bed in the mornings for my normal routine that I've come to cherish so much, and I stayed home sick from work on Wednesday because my throat hurt in a way that even lifting my head up to look at the clock felt like an overwhelming task that I would never be able to accomplish again. Yes, I am dramatic when tired. Maybe it was exhaustion, maybe I caught something from all the sickness going around. But, either way, this week has been a blur that is not really how I wanted to start out 29.

Yesterday the two TLC employees that were held hostage on Sept. 1 went on Oprah to tell their story. At the same time it made it more real and more horrific, it also gave me peace. One of the hostages, Jim, talked of how an overwhelming peace overtook him during that time in the lobby. He doesn't know whether it was God, or a guardian angel, or something else of a higher power, but it was real. I believe my prayers, as well as those of the thousands of others being lifted at that time, took part in that peace. Because that's what I was asking for, it's all I could ask for. Peace. Strength. Hope. I know it's true, that when something life threatening happens we begin to take life more seriously, treat it as the precious, fleeting gift that it is. But I don't want to have to have that moment in order to embrace life. Because all too often, when those moments happen it's too late.

So often I let my life become a series of "To Do's," since God knows I love lists. But last night as I was driving home and my mind was split between thinking about my co-workers and thinking about cleaning my apartment, working on my sister's wedding present, and even the task of finishing the book I'm reading so I can return it to the library, I realized that I was filling up this coming weekend with things to "get done" so that next week I could enjoy life again. But if I let that happen, if that's what my focus is, then that's when my days become this vicious cycle of ignoring the point of life. To live it. It hit me rather hard that this mindset has to stop. It's the journey not the destination, right?

Thanks to my friend Misty, I recently stumbled across this quote:

"For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin -- real life.

But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first,

some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid.

At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness.

Happiness is the way.

So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination."

-Father Alfred D'Souza

So, what did I do? I went to Whole Foods and bought soup and fried chicken because I still felt sick and I wanted comfort food. I came home, talked to my mom about my sister's wedding and watched Vampire Diaries because teen shows (especially ones about vampires) make me really happy. Then I started to watch Grey's Anatomy. ABC was replaying last year's season finale and I thought maybe watching part of it would help since (after refusing last season to ever watch it again) I now really want to see how they handle the aftermath of the gunman. But the moment before the first doctor gets shot, I turned it off. I've seen the episode, I know what happens and I don't need to relive it. Yes, I'll watch next week because that might be part of the healing process, but I want to move forward. So, instead I turned on the new Brandon Flowers album (because I do LOVE the Killers) and I danced around the room as I cleaned the apartment, enjoying the task and the atmosphere. Then I read and went to bed so that when my alarm went off at 5:30 this morning, I was ready for the day...to watch the sun come up.

Maybe that's a reason I love music so much. No matter what the task is, no matter what I'm doing or feeling, if there's a good soundtrack, it doesn't feel like work. Singing along makes me feel like I'm in the moment, like I'm actually living it. I know enough to realize that's not the case for everyone...but for me even waking up to "Here Comes the Sun" makes me not hate the first five minutes of the morning quite so much. In fact, it makes me wish those first five minutes could stand still, that I could hold onto it a little longer. There's promise to each new day. And just like I get to choose my song, I get to choose my attitude and what I want to give to the world today. The Sun.

The winter of going through the motions, of just trying to survive, is over, because life doesn't begin once my problems go away, my debt is paid, the weight is lost, or I fall in love. Life doesn't start when I finish my book or get that dream job or even when the dishes are washed and the apartment cleaned. All of those things are life. I'm not saying they're all enjoyable, but they are life. And once I accept that, which is still a daily battle, is the moment living really begins. That moment is now.

"Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter
Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun
and I say it's all right"

XOXO-

EBG

Purple Haze

Purple Haze - Jimi Hendrix
Album: Are You Experienced

Today feels a little like being between sleep and awake...almost like a dream Jimi Hendrix once had. I'm not really "present" today, but I'm ok with that "floating" feeling, though it hurts to laugh. Whatever was in my throat has moved down to my chest, so I'm downing tea and oj...and why that reminds me of "Sippin' on gin and juice," I have no idea. Is it time for bed, yet? I thought 9 hours yesterday plus 9 hours today would make me hate sleep. Wrong.

And the soup I hunted down for at lunch burned my tongue. The steam should have been an indicator, and I wish I could blame it on being a little out-of-it, but it's really just me.

XOXO
-EBG

PS. This song is based on a dream, not drugs. I am not on drugs...or, uh, meds. Really, I'm not.

Searchin' My Soul

Searchin' My Soul - Vonda Shepard
Ally McBeal Soundtrack

I woke up this morning with the feeling that my throat was closing in on itself, and the exhaustion so overwhelming that the thought of digging through the clothes on my floor to try to find something clean made me start to cry. I'm not going to pretend this feeling hasn't happened before, but normally I suck it up, pull myself out of bed and face the day. But something inside told me to pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep. So, I did. I slept, and slept, and caught up on my Netflix, and slept some more. My throat was pulsating in the way that feels like someone sucker punched me right in the neck and my head was so heavy, I could barely lift it off the pillow. I can't remember the last time I felt so miserable. But something happens in a day taken away from the world, you enjoy it that much more when you return.

I would like to thanks Netflix, though, for getting me through the day:
Camp Rock 2 (One of those songs almost made the soundtrack. They're just so darn catchy.)
Breaking Bad (Season Finale of Season One. This is a GREAT show.)
Ally McBeal (I pretty much love her, hence the song of the day. I've never watched this show before, but I honestly think this is the first "adult" character I've ever related to. She's career oriented and feisty, but incredibly unsure and just wants to belong. Who can't relate to that?)
And...
True Blood (Season 3 Finale. Disappointment all around.)

That's all. Back to bed.
XOXO
-EBG

You've Got a Friend In Me

You've Got a Friend In Me - Randy Newman
Album: Toy Story Soundtrack

I am a good friend. I am a good friend. I will be a good friend. I am dependable, I am reliable (are those the samething?), and I will be both with a joyful heart. What do I want to do? I want to put on my pjs, watch One Tree Hill and Life Unexpected, and go to bed. But what am I going to do? I'm going to drive a very good friend (who has more than once proved herself to be a great friend) to Eagle Rock to buy a coffee table she found off of craigslist. I haven't seen this new Catfish movie, yet, but I'm having weird flashes to it right now. Who lives in Eagle Rock? Just the name gives me flashes of abandoned houses in remote locations. Turn on GPS, put car in drive, and go. OTH should have been cancelled years ago, and if I time it right, I'll make it home just in time for LU. I am a good friend, I am a good friend.

XOXO-
EBG

*Epilogue: OTH was dumb, and LU made me smile, but HELLO, did anyone else see Pretty Little Liars this summer? The guy from Melrose Place is no Fitz. Plus, she did get the table...even if it had a few dings, it looks great in her apt. Total non-Catfish.

Old Before Your Time

Old Before Your Time - Ray Lamontange
Album: God Willin' and the Creek Don't Rise

I'm pretty exhausted today which is why the title of this makes me laugh. In my "teenage" years this would never have been a problem, but now in my old age...just can't quite stay out all night like I used to.

But, in all seriousness, it's the line "There's nothin' in the world so sad as talking to a man who never knew his life was his for making." Not discounting the past two days as unreal...because if days like those aren't considered real, then what's the point of life? But on my first "typical" day of 29 (for how long, who knows?), I want to remember this line. I want it to haunt me. There are too many people who tell me they don't have a choice about their state in life. And I just don't want to hear it anymore. I do know people in this world that aren't allowed to make the choices I can, but those are never the people I hear complain. Those are the most determined people I've had the grace of knowing...they get the lyrics to this song. And so do I.

I've quit passing the blame. My life is mine. And the fact that I'm too exhausted today to enjoy any of it is my problem...a problem I will not complain about because it was TOTALLY worth the memories I made last night!

XOXO
-EBG

Teenage Dream

Teenage Dream by Katy Perry
Album: Teenage Dream

"You make me feel...like I'm living a teenage dream."

That's pretty much what today was for me. The VMA'S! The Video FREAKIN' Music Awards! (That's right, I screamed it.)

Now, going to the VMA's has been a dream of mine ever since I was 17 years old and saw the below performance on 9-9-99. If you were a teenager then, you remember this performance.



But now, as an adult (and since NSYNC is no longer together and Britney's performing has seen better days), this is was my favorite performance of the night:


Florence and the Machine - Dog Days Are Over VMA

That's right, Dog Days again. I told you it could be my song of the day all year if I'd let it. Truth be told, the whole night was wonderful. And even though I don't really listen to many of the artists that won the awards, I saw some incredible performances tonight on a BEAUTIFUL stage. My wonderful friend Kristen, that got me the ticket, also had a credential for those of us that went to pass around and go to the main floor (we were first row balcony) if we wanted to. But this was one of those nights you want to share with someone else. And I really couldn't see that well from the floor. Since I later found out much of the show was filmed from above the stage, I realize that it really was the perfect view.

And, as previously mentioned, the best moment of the night: I had never seen Florence perform before, and on one side of me was a girl who knew the song (though she didn't realize it until Florence began) and on the other a guy who had never heard of her before. But by the end, we are all singing and dancing and laughing. It was a beautiful moment that will get me through the next year (or at least until I see her in November). How can someone not dance to this song? And on top of seeing my favorite artist of 28, I made two new friends tonight. I danced until I had to switch to my Kristen's flats (that did not match my dress). I drank champagne (hello, open bar). And I sang and danced and laughed...all of my favorite things combined into one great night of moments.



A funny thought hit me when I got home at 3 AM (I'm posting this at 11:59 so it falls on the right day), I realized that my teenage dream is not the same as it was 11 years ago. Then, my dream included being on the red (or white) carpet on Mr. Timberlake's arm, maybe even a celebrity myself, part of the "in" crowd with cameras and diamonds and a sleek but expensive dress that everyone wished they had picked first (If you're a girl, you had this dream at one point or another...it's kinda like the "perfect wedding" dream, but I don't really have those). But tonight, I had no desire to mix and mingle with celebrities. Yeah, they're fun to see, but I had this great night with genuinely great people. And even though I did have my fair share of celeb run-ins (Hello, Jared Leto being everywhere I turned around), that's all they are...run-ins. Maybe, that's the good and bad about living in LA. You get to see celebrities all the time, but pretty soon they just become people.

I will say this, though, some of these "just people" can put on one hell of a performance!

Sweet teenage dreams!
XOXO
-EBG

Man in the Mirror

Man In the Mirror - Michael Jackson

Album: Bad

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

So, I woke up this morning singing "Dog Days Are Over," but even I can't have my whole soundtrack of 29 be the same song. I just love it so much, and it makes me dance every time...all negative emotions floating away as the music builds. That being said, I was running late this morning from singing in the shower a little too long. Of course, running late for Disneyland is never acceptable, but if there is a reason that even comes close, this is it.

Birthdays are great in a number of ways. My favorites being that I'm always right (if it's the ride I want to ride or the song I just made up that I want to sing), I hear from people I haven't heard from in a year (as well as all the people I love on the same day), and I think it's against the law to not eat every single thing that I want to (it's in the Emily's Law Book of How To Live Life To the Fullest).

It's also a time to start fresh. I preach a lot about "embracing life" and "looking for the positive in others and in every situation" but that's not always easy. And in a place like Disneyland, where there is a lot of line waiting and people crammed into a sort of small area, it can become a challenge to always see the good and to "live every moment" to the fullest. But it is this happy, magical place. So, if I can't do it there, can I do it anywhere? The answer is yes.

I love Disneyland, and I had a great day! I spent it with one of my best friends, we talked, we laughed, we ate. I had a series of adrenaline rushes (which are my favorite), and I ended the night by wishing on a hundred shooting star fireworks over the Magic Castle. But I also realized that I don't need all that production to have a great day. (Although, the best moment of the day was defnitely when Natalie and I went on Splash Mountain, much to her dismay, and, though we both ended up soaked, I definitely got the brunt of it. It was also the most terrifying moment since when you go over that waterfall, you are plunging head first into a bottomless abyss of water screaming at the top of your lungs. There's a reason I don't sit in front. And thank you, Mom, for your last piece of advice. KEEP YOUR MOUTH CLOSED. Which I remembered at the last second, or else I would still be waterlogged.)

And in that one brief moment of screaming and laughing and almost crying out of terror, it came so clear why I crave moments like this. My adrenaline rushes come in new experiences, great conversations, frequent fits of laughter, and making someone else's day a little brighter just by a kind word or solid piece of advice (and more if I have the capability). The excitement of life comes in the small moments, we just have to be aware enough not to miss them. To not close our eyes (unless the water is about to blind you...cause that could be bad). Towards the end of the day Natalie and I saw Captain Eo (which I kept calling Captain Emo by mistake), and, even though it's not actually in the movie, I walked out singing Man in the Mirror. It was instantly the theme of the day because, surrounded by all of these people that are so different from me, I understood that I can either choose to see the beauty in them, try to understand who they are and what they need, or I can judge what I see on the surface. All of the things that I love about life, we all deserve, and we all can have. I know I can't create a perfect moment or a perfect day. I can't make people say or be what they're not and don't want to be.

But I can live fearlessly. I can choose who I spend time with and where I go, what I do, what my focus is. I can take risks and smile at strangers and offer a helping hand when someone needs it. I can dance in the middle of a line at Disneyland to a song only I can hear, and I can choose to sit at the front of the ride even though it terrifies me endlessly because the unhibited laughter that comes afterwards would never be possible any other way. But only I can do those things...and hope that someone else might join me...maybe even a crowd.

XOXO
-EBG

The Sound of 28

Wow. Am I really turning 29 tomorrow? Most days I still feel 17, or maybe 19. Definitely out of high school, which is good since my 10 year reunion is now only a matter of weeks away. We’ll go with 19.

Now, as most people reading this know, a few years ago I started making a list before my birthday of the moments of that year (in correlation with the number of that year) that stood out to me the most. Moments that made me laugh, cry, feel grateful, or just feel alive. And this year, like the past 3, I did the same. 28 Moments of 28.

However, this year, I’m not going to publically post them. If 27 was a hard year, 28 was all about growing, and I had no idea growing pains could be so, well, painful. I just recently finished listening to Pride and Prejudice (books on tape…a new thing with me) and there’s a part where Charlotte is begging Elizabeth to come visit her. Even though Elizabeth really doesn’t want to go, since the two friends drifted apart so much over the prior year, she finally agrees thinking to herself that “it was for the sake of what had been, rather than what was." I feel like I understand that line more now than I ever could have reading it in high school, and I believe its meaning to be a hard truth to learn and to accept. I hurt some feelings last year of people that I love dearly because they weren’t included in the “Moments” in the way that best showed my feelings towards them. And as I was going over my list from this past year, I began to stress about making sure everyone was “included” appropriately. But this list didn’t start out that way, and, honestly, I’ve had a rough year with some of the people I care most about. That doesn’t change anything about the way that I feel about them, it just doesn’t fit well into a list of random “moments” for everyone to read.

But I do want to make known that this year has been absolutely incredible in so many ways: Elizabeth’s engagement, dress shopping and bachelorette weekend, the births of Gwynaeth and Kendall, Deb’s ordination and wedding. Being snowed in with my family at Christmas, taping my grandparents telling the story of how they met and became engaged. Skyping with old friends, while making new ones, all of who understand me, push me to be better and get me free wine on long airplane flights (Thank you, Billy!). Showing up on doorsteps while crying for no reason (and being handed a baby telling me that will make me feel better…which it did). Road trips, wine tasting trips, watching a man drunkenly fall over his handlebars in the sand on 4^th of July. Midnight screenings of cheesy vampire movies (that’s right, I went to more than one), and racing to the finish line of a new great book along with the rest of the under 18 world. Celebrating New Year’s Eve with two of my favorite people in the universe, and being surrounded by hundreds of fellow children’s book/young adult authors in NYC (while making one of the greatest friends I’ll ever know in the process). Even going back to work fulltime (with great co-workers!), moving (again), and forcing myself to get up at 5 AM so I can enjoy the beach before going into the office (yes, be shocked my alarm clock even has that time). I laughed a lot this year, I cried (less than last year), and I even started to sing again.

It sounds so cliché in a way, and yes, I am still completely tone deaf, but coming from someone who loves to sing (and dance around the room…or in parking lots) more than anything in the world, it came as strange to me that I didn’t realize I had even stopped. Then one day I was driving down the road and a familiar song came on, and it felt awkward to hum along to it. It struck me painfully that I couldn’t remember the last time I had sung along with the radio. Or to my ipod. Or in general. I had spent 27 and the first part of 28 so lost in thought that I think I even stopped hearing the music. I forced myself to start mumbling along, and then before I knew it, I was belting (Nin, I think you and Bridget were belting right along with me…See number 1 below). All at once I rediscovered a love of music, and writing, and great conversations. I started going on small adventures (mostly Suze, that’s thanks to you for forcing me into yoga, Pirate dinners, and most recently Yogurtland). I stopped watching so much TV and started reading (more than just teen books). That’s when I started getting up early because I realized my favorite time of day is sunrise when the city is first waking up, and I need that time to myself. As well as needing time with my friends and my family…and the need to listen and be heard. I remembered the things that make me Me, and slowly I began to embrace them again.

But most importantly, this year I stopped fighting against God. For so long I’ve struggled with the decision of trusting myself and what I think is best for me or allowing God to take full control of my life. I finally realized that I don’t know what I ultimately want. Where I want to go. Who I want to be. So I decided to give that task to him. But the thing with trusting God is, if you do it, you have to do it with everything. Love, life, work, happiness, health, friendships, and the unknown. That decision was put to the test last Wednesday when I spent four hours begging for the safety of three of my co-workers in Silver Spring, Maryland after a gunman walked into Discovery Headquarters waving a gun and yelling for people to stop moving. During that time of being glued to CNN and my email In Box, I had to come to peace with the fact that my co-workers might not walk out of there alive. Thank, God, they did, but things could have ended very differently, and was I prepared to still trust him despite of that? Was I prepared to walk through the lobby of my own building, knowing that my place of work was now under attack (even if 3000 miles away) and that I could be threatened here just as much as there…as well as any and everywhere in between. For the first time in my life, the answer was yes.

There’s a line in the Dawes’ song “When My Time Comes” that has been on repeat in my head for most of this past year: “If Heaven was all that was promised to me, why don’t I pray for death?” That line haunted me for so long because I didn’t have an answer. But this year, this horribly trying and brilliantly exciting year, I’ve rediscovered the meaning of “Living with Purpose.” Now, I would LOVE to be able to define that for you here and to tell you the answer I’ve found to the above question. In fact, I’d love to give you all the answers that the past 29 years of searching have finally led me to. But I’m not going to because, honestly, it’s not fair for you to get the easy way out. And it’s not life. And, most importantly, my answers are not yours.

The two biggest lessons I’ve learned this year: 1) What’s right for me is not what’s right for other people. And 2) People are not going to do what we want and expect out of them. We disappoint each other because we can’t read minds (except for Edward, but he’s kind of a wimp. And I guess Sookie, but I think she’s kind of a pushover, too). But the beauty of family and true friendship is that despite of all of this, despite our deepest faults that we try but fail to hide, we love each other anyway.

So, to my beautiful family and friends…I would love to list you all out alphabetically, but that would only mean I would definitely leave someone out, and that is obviously far from my intention. I know how fortunate I am in the simple fact that I can’t list you all by name or write out all of the moments I shared with you this year because I’m going to Disneyland tomorrow and I just don’t have enough time. BUT since we all know how much I love lists, I have compiled one especially for your reading pleasure.

Before I begin 29, I want to page homage to the songs that got me through 28. Judge however you like. God knows I've judged other people's playlists (*cough* Mick). But these are my songs. The songs I laughed to, cried to, danced around the room to and sang at the top of my lungs. These are the songs that sang me to sleep, were background to great conversations, and simply sat with me when I needed a friend. These were the songs that meant the most to me last year, and I am in their debt.

1. Dog Days Are Over - Florence and the Machine

2. When My Time Comes - Dawes

3. Home - Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeroes

4. Change of Time - Josh Ritter

5. Two - The Antlers

6. Young Winds - Ryan Adams

7. Secret Meeting - The National

8. I Can Only Imagine - MercyMe

9. Counterpoint - Delphic

10. Come On Get Higher - Matt Nathanson

11. Rock Star - Miley Cyrus (You can judge this one all you want. I’m not ashamed it makes me happy.)

12. There Is So Much More - Brett Dennen

13. Falling From the Sun - The Album Leaf

14. Blue Skies - Noah and the Whale

15. Changes - Blind Melon

16. Skinny Love - Bon Iver

17. Prelude 12-21 - AFI

18. I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked - Ida Maria

19. Center of Attention - Jackson Waters

20. Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley

21. Bad Reputation - Joan Jett

22. Human - The Killers

23. Bad Romance - Lady Gaga

24. Eclipse (I'm Yours) - Metric

25. Time Is Running Out - Muse

26. Ambling Alp - Yeasayer

27. Somebody - Rob Thomas

28. Angels on the Moon - Thriving Ivory

And one to grow on...

29. Don't Stop Believin' - The Glee Cast Version

So, here's to another year. 365 days left in my 20's. I plan on holding onto them as tightly as possible, living them with everything I have, and a year from right now I plan on celebrating with my whole heart (and all of my friends) the next phase of life. Love to you all.

XOXO-

EBG