Where Not To Look For Freedom

Every so often a song comes along that just "gets" it. The Belle Brigade has a whole slew of them, an album full really. I've heard this album a number of times now, I'd been waiting for it to release months before it actually did. But last night I went to see them play at Amoeba Records in Hollywood (one of my favorite places on earth), and it was one of those moments where the song and the time and the place all collide at exactly the right time that awakens something inside of you. Maybe something as simple as a realization?

Last night, "Where Not To Look For Freedom" was that moment.



The past few months have been rough, hence the no posting. I haven't been able to get out of my head enough to put my thoughts into words or to really accomplish much of anything. I've been simply going through the motions, which if you know me even a little, you know is a bad sign. I'm an adventure seeker. I'm always looking for the next adrenaline rush, the next exploration of a new place or experience, the answers to questions I don't even know. So, for me to just stop everything almost sent me over the edge. I would sleep, work, and fill in every last second with social activities so I didn't have to face what the real problem was...I have no idea what I want. And that makes it really hard to get it.

But the truth is, I know what I want, from myself, from life, from others. It just became too hard to get it. Freedom is a big concept with me, I use the word a lot in my daily life. Freedom to be where I want when I want, to be who I want at all times, to think, speak, write and listen to whatever I want how I want. And instead I've been trapped. Trapped in financial constraints, age barriers (or dreads), and in the box I've placed around my life. The issue became that I couldn't move forward because no matter how hard I looked, I couldn't find anyone's life that I want to mirror mine after. I believed that these dreams I have, idealistic visions of the way life and the world should be could never be realized because they don't currently exist.

I was wrong.

"You cannot find your wisdom in someone else's story."

Unfortunately, writing your own story is, to put it lightly, difficult. It's easy to go through the motions, to live a cookie cutter life, and to be successful at it. What's not easy, is having a vision in your head, a deep desire, and having no idea how to achieve it. And that's where the change in my life has begun. I don't know the big steps, how to get from where I am now to where I want to be. However, everyday I can pray for direction for that first step, and then take a flying leap. And as soon as I land, I take another one. The path isn't clear, but my belief in the destination is. In Swahili, there's a saying "Pole Pole" (pole-ay, pole-ay). It means slowly, slowly. That's me. I'm a slow and steady person, that's how I achieve almost anything. It's not ideal as I would love immediate results. But it's how I thrive. One step at a time, but those steps never stop. And I get to enjoy the journey a little more. Because as I've learned many times, the view from the summit is breathtaking and worth every step, but you can't stay there forever. There are too many mountains to climb to just stay at the top of one for the rest of my life. Some I'll enjoy more than others, some will be harder, some freer. But each a new adventure, a new piece of the picture. A new answer, and a new experience that makes me...me.

XO-
EBG

Last Day of Our Acquaintance

It's been awhile since I've posted. And that's not because of the lack of music in my life. SXSW has come and gone, and I do plan on doing a post about the amazing bands I saw there. But, funny enough, the reason I'm posting today is because of the below song. It came on KCRW this morning during Morning Becomes Eclectic, and it just doesn't seem to want to leave me now.

Two years ago today I lost someone I care very deeply about. The lyrics to this song don't necessarily mirror our frienship word for word, but it does embody the sentiment and the feelings that come with today more than anything else I've found.



I miss you, CJ. XOXO-
EBG

New Songs You Should Probably Listen To Now...

TV on the Radio - Will Do





TV on the Radio - Will Do by 1077 The End

Adele - Rolling In the Deep

Middle Brother - Me, Me, Me

Middle Brother ♦ Me Me Me from Brandon Tauszik on Vimeo.

XOXO-
EBG

Contest: Romany Rye on the Cover of Rolling Stone!

WE TAKE ALL KINDS OF PILLS
TO GIVE US ALL KINDS OF THRILLS
BUT THE THRILL WE'VE NEVER KNOWN
IS THE THRILL THAT WILL GET YOU
WHEN YOU GET YOUR PICTURE
ON THE COVER OF THE ROLLING STONE

My friend Luke (aka The Romany Rye aka an AMAZING musician/song-writer that you should listen to NOW) is one of 16 musicians/bands up to be on the cover of Rolling Stone! He just needs your help to vote. Now, unlike most of my friends that are in contests, this is one where I would actually vote for him if I didn't know him. Yeah, he's that good.

Below is an email that was sent out with the info of how to vote. So, go do it. NOW!

Okay, so as these contests go, there are loop holes as to how the votes are getting counted. So Rolling Stone is a shady crafty beast.

You have to click on the Bonnaroo link to win two tickets and give them a bit of information. Then step 2 is voting for the Romany Rye and then clicking submit. We are unsure that just clicking the five stars actually counts or if its just a fake count at this time they will not clarify so to be safe just do both. Also after seeing the Bonnaroo line up this year who wouldn't want to go.

Cover of Rolling Stone Contest

Anyway, Luke and the rest of his guys really appreciate all the time everyone is taking to help out. I sincerely appreciate it as well. Please pass this along, to your friends, family, or anyone that ever gave you their email address.

And here's a preview of the awesomeness you're voting for:



XOXO-
EBG

14 Love Songs

So, this is a little more mellow than most of my mix tapes, but I've been in a mellow mood. Still, love is something to celebrate...now I'm just going to celebrate it a little more softly than other years. It's a mix of new love, sustained love, pining love, and complicated love. Because if you've ever been in love, you know that all of those things exist...sometimes all at the same time.

1. Leather and Lace - Stevie Nicks & Don Henley
2. Rush - Ferras
3. Dance Me to the End of Love - The Civil Wars
4. The Chain - Ingrid Michaelson
5. First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
6. Fresh Feeling - Eels
7. I Will Follow You Into the Dark - Death Cab for Cutie
8. If You Let Me Be Your Anchor - Dawes
9. Lovers' Waltz - A.A. Bondy
10. How the Day Sounds - Greg Laswell
11. Willing - The BoDeans
12. The Man Who Can't Be Moved - The Script
13. I Will - Alison Krauss
14. Wonderwall - Ryan Adams

XOXO-
EBG

Wow. That's all I have to say.

The new Fleet Foxes album comes out in May. If this song is any indication of what the rest of the album will be, I may have just found my top pick for 2011.

It's not even chills, it's more. This song literally made me go numb.

Listen. Love. Let it devour you.
Fleet Foxes - Helplessness Blues by subpop

XO-

EBG

Carpe Diem

I'm going on a trip, and therefore, a new mix tape is needed. But this one had to be special. I'm going to a Writer's Conference in NYC, and while being surrounded by 1200 other young adult/children's book writers can be very exciting, it's also extremely intimidating. Are they friends or competition?

Fortunately, last year I made a new friend. So, this "Carpe Diem" playlist is for us. We've spent the past year getting ready for this weekend, and now it's time to go after our dreams. It's meant to calm the anxious nerves and invoke confidence. After all, there's no better time to start living life to the fullest than right now.

Carpe Diem - SCBWI Winter Conference 2011

1. Zoo Station - U2
2. It's My Life - Bon Jovi
3. Brave New Girl - Britney Spears
4. Good Days Bad Days - Kaiser Chiefs
5. How Bad Do You Want It - Tim McGraw
6. I Won't Back Down - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
7. Fingerprints - Katy Perry
8. Dream On - Aerosmith
9. I Can - Nas
10. Do Your Thing - 'N Sync
11. Drive - Incubus
12. One More Night In Brooklyn - Justin Townes Earle
13. Born For This - Paramore
14. Invincible - Muse
15. Chasing Pavements - Adele
16. When My Time Comes - Dawes
17. The Climb - Miley Cyrus
18. We Are the Champions - Queen
19. Defying Gravity - Idina Menzel and Kristen Chenoweth
20. Don't Stop Believin' - Glee Cast

Go team!
XOXO-
EBG

I Want To Be Her

This song, this video, the duo, they all make me really happy. I think I'm going to live in it the rest of the day...



XOXO-
EBG

This Kid is actually really good...

Enjoy!

XOXO-

EBG

The Belle Brigade

A little preview of a new band I just discovered (thank you, Jason Bentley):

The Belle Brigade's self-titled debut releases April 19.

Sweet Louise by The Belle Brigade

2011, I already love you.
XOXO-
EBG

2010 Music Review

It's taken me a little while to get into the swing of things...but I figure the first post of this year should be last year in review.

Every year I make my Music Review. Just to be perfectly clear, so everyone knows the rules, the following must apply:
1. Each song MUST have been released in 2010.
2. I MUST like each song.
3. The mix tape as a whole should be a balance between Top 40 Hits, Best Reviewed Albums (usually considered "indie" music), and the songs that stuck with me from the moment I heard them.

There were a few albums this year that I loved the entire album, and those I played with a number of songs that I liked best to see what fit the mix as a whole. Other songs I never even listened to the rest of the album because I really didn't care for it. I won't point out which is which, but I will say my favorite albums of the year:
1. The National - High Violet
2. Taylor Swift - Speak Now
3. Mumford & Sons - Sigh No More

So, here for your reading (and hopefully listening pleasure), Emily's 2010 Music Review:
*One last note, this mix tape is meant to be listened to as a whole. The songs and their order were picked specifically with care to be enjoyed in this manner.

1. Raise Your Glass - Pink
2. Ready To Start - Arcade Fire
3. Everlasting Light - The Black Keys
4. Are You Satisfied - Marina and the Diamonds
5. Forget You - Cee Lo Green
6. I Can Change - LCD Soundsystem
7. Haunted - Taylor Swift
8. As She's Walking Away - Zac Brown Band (ft. Alan Jackson)
9. Fire - Bruce Springsteen
10. Airplanes - B.O.B. (ft. Hayley Williams)
11. Ambling Alp - Yeasayer
12. Bushwick Blues - Delta Spirit
13. Sorrow - The National
14. Rill Rill - Sleigh Bells
15. The Cave - Mumford & Sons
16. Love the Way You Lie - Eminem (ft. Rihanna)
17. Change of Time - Josh Ritter
18. Everywhere I Go - Lissie
19. Dancing On My Own - Robyn
20. Dark Fantasy - Kanye West

And here's to 2011...and the first actual week of releases! I'm excited to dive in!

XOXO-
EBG

Cake...the way they should be sung

With a lot of spunk and emotion. Get ready for the "YAAAAA!"

Enjoy!

XO-

EBG

New Music Alert (The Rescues; Paris Carney)

At least new to me...

I went Monday night to hear singer-songwriter Paris Carney at Room 5, and then onto Hotel Cafe to see The Rescues. I love nights when a friend calls and says, "Hey, want to go hear this singer/band," and I go with no prior knowledge of the band or their music...and then leave with at least one or two new songs that I immediately want to go buy. It's hard for any music group to completely win me over these days...I used to think it was all or nothing. Or at least I used to be an all or nothing fan. But these days I'm finding something to appreciate in everyone.

First off, Room 5 is a very cool little venue. It's a small lounge above a restaurant on La Brea. There's a small bar and probably 10 round tables with 4 or 5 bright red vintage chairs around each of them. Monday night is singer-songwriter night, and because we already had tickets to Hotel Cafe, we only went to hear one artist. Paris Carney was a little mix of Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato, and A Fine Frenzy, three singers I'm a fan of. Her songs were catchy and she let two of her friends come up and sing songs of their own during her set (giving time to the lesser known...great quality). She was spunky and sweet, and a little ditzy without being dumb or annoying.

Here is one of her songs sung at Room 5 (but not on Monday).


Then onto Hotel Cafe (which we all know is one of my favorite places in the world). First off, it was packed! I haven't seen that many people in that small space since probably Rachael Yamagata (who I worship). The band was not quite what I expected. The Rescues are two guys and two girls all singing different versus, songs, and harmonies in a way that pretty much reminds me of a country band or a praise and worship band that has released a secular album. They sounded great, but the problem with hearing a band you don't know for the first time is all of the songs pretty much sound the same, not a bad thing if you like the sound. I don't know if the sound as a whole won me over, but there were two songs that definitely stood out to me.

BREAK ME OUT (this is apparently their "big" hit)


CAN'T STAND THE RAIN


I read that they've had songs on both One Tree Hill and Grey's Anatomy (two great shows to discover new music), thought I can't really picture their songs working for the montage scenes that both these shows are known for. I'll have to go back and search out the episodes.

All-in-all, a nice night of music. My life wasn't changed, but definitely enhanced. And I left being haunted by the line "I wanna see the sunrise from anywhere but here." I have a feeling it'll be following me around for awhile...always the mark of a good song.

XO-
EBG

It's Potter Time!

In honor of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 1 opening night, I made a playlist. Please, don't be shocked. I toyed with a number of themes, made lists of different songs I'd like to include, and finally settled on the most obvious. Magic.

There were just some great songs that came to light when I put on my Sorting Headphones, and it felt appropriate. So, enjoy!

1. Do You Believe In Magic? - The Lovin' Spoonful
2. Magic - B.O.B. ft Rivers Cuomo
3. Everything's Magic - Angels & Airwaves
4. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - The Police
5. Magic Marker - Monsters Of Folk
6. Magic - Bruce Springsteen
7. As If By Magic - La Roux
8. A Kind of Magic - Queen
9. The Magic Of a Kind Word - Belle & Sebastian
10. Magic Touch - Aerosmith
11. Magical Mistakes - Athlete
12. Magic Bus - The Who
13. Magic Trick - M. Ward
14. Magic Man - Heart
15. Magic - Ben Folds Five
16. Cool Magic - The Stve Miller Band
17. Magic In the Air - Badly Drawn Boy
18. Magic Carpet Ride - Steppenwolf
19. Blue Magic - Jaz-Z
20. Magic - The Cars
21. Little Miss Magic - Jimmy Buffett

XO-
EBG

It's probably everyone's video of the day...

It's still amazingly awesome.



XO-
EBG

I Knew Them When...

Baby - Justin Bieber

Covered by Green River Ordinance

I used to interview these boys at KTCU when they were like 12. Wow, they've grown up. I love all their music, but everyone knows I'm a sucker for cheesy pop songs. Enjoy!

XO-
EBG

Secret Meeting

Secret Meeting - The National
Alligator

"I had a secret meeting in the basement of my brain."
I've been very thoughtful lately. And by that I don't me "thinking of others." I literally mean "full of thoughts." It hasn't been bad, or sad, or even confusing. Maybe it's because I'm so close to finishing Cloven and sending it out again that I spend most of my time in Graves Parish and Cesura these days. Do people know when they talk to me that I'm only half listening? The other half is in a fantasy world I created buried deep in my soul trying desperately to surface. After 2 1/2 years of really writing, and almost 5 years of creating this story, it feels so good for it to finally come together. I'm just afraid to leave it, I don't want to lose it again. I have to keep at least part of my focus there at all time because I don't know if I can find it again if it disappears...

But I'll be back to the world of the living (ha. if you've read it, you get it) soon. January 28. It's really not that far away.

XO-
EBG

Someday I will have a child exactly like this...

CMA Awards

I'm just going to say it...I don't really listen to country music. My T. Swifty obsession is pretty apparent in my day-to-day, but in general, country just doesn't usually fit my mood. But I decided that if I'm going to have a music blog, I need to include all types...at least all types I can stomach. So, I got home last night just in time for the CMA's to begin. I was going to write just a few gut reactions, but it turned into more of a play-by-play. I've never been a reviewer, so don't expect that from me. I like what I like, and what I didn't like...well, that's listed below as well. It's written in present tense because I wrote as I watched, so if you weren't watching or really paying attention you'll probably have no idea what I'm talking about. I'll try to post pictures when I can to help.

First off, I LOVE Carrie Underwood’s first outfit, especially her hot red shoes. I can’t understand most of what she’s saying, but something about “You were mean to me and since you were I’m writing this song.” That’s the one thing I’ve never really understood about country…they keep talking about writing songs instead of just singing them. It’s all “I love you so I wrote you this song” or in this case “I hate you so I wrote you this song.” Why not just write a love or a hate song? It’s like in Easy A (which I loved) but Emma Stone kept having to clarify “This is a John Hughes’ reference.” Just give us the reference, we’re smart, we can pick up the rest. But nonetheless, I think that Carrie Underwood is beautiful and charismatic, and I have been a fan of hers since American Idol…just don’t ask me what songs she sings.

Ok, so my first thought is: Where have I been? I didn’t realize country music stars were so freakin’ cute. I’m not sure how great these guys sound, but I would have made the switch a long time ago had I known this was the pool to choose from. Cutie-patooties. And there’s just something sweet, nice, Southern about a country musician. Of course there is something dirty, hot, and sexy about an indie rock musician…I’m going to have to find someone that combines the two. I have faith it’s possible.

Carrie and Brad Paisley have nice chemistry. I like this banter going back and forth and the spontaneously staged singing. It's nice that they're making fun of the world and not necessarily their fellow country artists. Except the "mix-up" between Lady Antebellum and Lady Gaga. I actually laughed out loud...it might have been scripted, but it was funny.

Lady Antebellum wins Single of the Year with “Need You Now”! And it’s a song that I know! And I already own! It’s like I’m a country music fan. Who knew? But what’s their story? 2 boys and a girl…anything I should know there? Not that I’m judging. I like them, they have big smiles, and sincere gratitude.

Um, did anyone else just notice Dawes on the Chevy commercial? First commercial break of the CMA's...at least PST.

Rascal Flatts, another country band that I actually know. But I’m bored. What are they even singing about? And I’m a fan, well, I like them. But they seem bored. They sound ok, but besides all the flashing lights in the background, it’s hard to tell they even care they’re there.

Hello, Kellie Pickler’s boobs and hair…and shiny gold dress. W-O-W.
Next: Miranda Lambert wins Song of the Year. I do not know the song she won for. And moving on...
So, I’ve heard Blake Shelton’s name before…but, hello, freakin’ adorable.
Before tonight I couldn’t have picked him out of a crowd or his song off of a mix tape, but if I’m going to turn the country direction, he has potential for making the cut.
He was fun, sounded great, and had the ladies screaming. Apparently, he’s engaged to Miranda Lambert, so to keep the ladies screaming like he did takes some mojo. I don’t know if I’m ready to go out and buy the album, but the single is definitely going to make its way into my iTunes…maybe even on a mix tape.

I came into this really wanting to like Miranda Lambert, soon to be Mrs. Shelton, but this live performance is not doing it for me. I do like the fact that she’s wearing the same outfit she had on when she won though. I have a feeling her album sounds better than this (award shows rarely sound great…unless you’re Florence + the Machine), but there’s no melody to her voice. It just sounds flat…not like a flat key…just no tune. But I do love the fact that country music has another star couple. There’s just something a lot more wholesome about them than say…Britney and Justin or Rihanna and Chris Brown.

GEORGE STRAIT! I love him from the days that I listened to country music more than not. Wow, he’s gotten old. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Ok, I’ve heard this song before, the one about “Moments taking your breath away.” I didn’t know it was George, and I’m kind of glad I didn’t. This is why I don’t listen to country very much, I can’t handle the blatant use of clichés. Especially ones that are so overused anyway. I totally agree with what the song is saying, but it’s been said before. And before that. And before that. It just feels very unoriginal. But who remembers Pure Country? “I Cross My Heart” now that was a nice spin on an old cliché. Plus I was like 12 when it came out, so that’s another thing.

New Artist of the Year: I don’t know who any of these people are. No, really. I don’t know who any of these people are. Oh! Except the Zac Brown Band because my friend Cait has been listening to them non-stop. Guess I’m adding them to the potential Music Review of 2010. I think a live performance is coming soon…I should probably hear a song before I judge. (There seem to be a lot of them on stage. Are they all in the band?)

And Zac Brown Band is up. Do they pass the test? I’m not sure what the test entails, but I’m digging this. Cait, you were right. Oh, and Alan Jackson. Another that I listened to back in the day. “Don’t be fallin’ in love as she’s walkin’ away…” I can get behind this. I still don’t know who the other New Artist contenders were, but from just this song, I’m not going to argue with the winner.

Kenny Chesney I have actually seen live. Oh, yes, I have been to a country concert. And it was a really good one at that! This song is making me a little teary eyed, especially after growing up in Texas. I feel like the videos playing in the background could have been any one of my guy friend’s lives in high school. Stars and Stripes? Is that what it’s called. It’s nice, not quite changing my life, but I’m enjoying the moment. (Ha. Just looked it up. It’s called Boys of Fall. Appropriate.)

YAY T. Swifty! I just love her…especially when she’s singing songs about Taylor Lautner (Back to December). I mean, I’m not saying she sounds the best…but I feel like she still feels every word she’s singing. And now, it’s snowing. I love this song because on an album full of her telling an array of boys (and a certain actress) exactly what she thinks of them and how they screwed her over, this song is her saying she was in the wrong. It’s the first song I can think of hers that says “I screwed up, and I don’t know how to fix it.” I think that’s just as hard to say as telling someone they broke her heart. I feel like she should be wailing a little bit though, she seems to be holding back. Sing it, T. Swifty. (I kind of wish she had sung Revenge. That song just makes me happy.)

PS. Did everyone notice the suprised "What?" at the end? Apparently it was her reaction to a standing ovation. I heart her.

Oh, wow there’s a ballerina theme happening now. I don’t know what’s happening, but this apparently is the number one song in country music…Sugarland’s Stuck Like Glue. She is super adorable, but I do not like this song. I really really want to, though. She’s got this deep “Wa-oh, wa-oh” thing going on that I’m kind of grooving to. There’s just a lot repeating. And I don’t really understand how the outfit correlates with the song…but you know, NSYNC did some WEIRD things when they used to perform on award shows. So, I’m just going to let that go.

Vocal Group of the Year goes to…oh, Little Big Town! I know them…well, not personally. My friend Heather just toured with them and thought the world of them. And, I really like The Band Perry, or at least “If I Die Young.” (Lady Antebellum actually won the award. I’m a supporter of this decision.)

Hahahahahaha: Modern Family: “That was a stop sign.” “I’ll stop twice on the way back.”

Keith Urban = Sexy. I totally get it, Nicole. But he’s singing again about “Putting you in a song.” You already put her in the dang song, do you really need to tell us? Are we really that dumb? That being said, this is a catchy tune, and my foot is tapping along with it. I know I’m contradicting myself, but I’m digging this. And he actually sounds really good live, unlike some of his counterparts.

Reba…she still looks fantastic! But I’m not so sure about singing from a boy’s POV. This song kind of makes me uncomfortable. It must just be that I’m hearing all of these songs for the first time, so I’m really listening to them…but is this weird to anyone else? Remember “Fancy”? There was a lot inappropriate with that song, too, but I fell in love with it before I ever knew what it meant. That must be the difference…

Carrie Underwood is so freakin’ beautiful. And her outfits/dresses are amazing. I really like the yellow one! Jason Aldean (had to look up the spelling). I think the volume on my TV just went down, I can’t really hear him. Um, is that Kelly Clarkson? I should make it very clear now that I’m not a big fan of hers (nothing to do with her personally, I’ve just never gotten into her voice), so this performance is probably not going to win me over. And her bright pink earpiece is a little distracting. But besides that she looks beautiful. And I hear she’s really nice, plus I have a lot of friends that are big fans. But no, I don’t really “Want To Stay.”

Oh, Little Big Town…a little T. Swifty a capella is maybe the best performance of the night! Album of the Year: Miranda Lambert…in a pretty white dress! A short, pretty white dress. And very visible boobs. I really like her, though. She’s fun and a little feisty. I will give her album a try and report back at a later date.

Wow. Kid Rock has not changed one bit. Maybe his clothing, but he is exactly the same. I actually saw him perform in a little club in Malibu for Pamela Anderson’s birthday back in the day when they were dating. I also saw him at a restaurant hanging out with Justin Timberlake once. I don’t think they were there specifically to hang out together, but they were chatty. “I Was Born Free.” Yes, we were…but I got nothing besides that about him. He’s a character, he amuses me. I think I used to own “Cowboy”…but I’ve been through a few iPods/computers since then. Actually, it was way before iPods. So, I might have never owned it. But I enjoyed it once upon a time. (Misty, keep ALL the facial hair. This is not a good look for Luke.)

Brad Paisley…you are super cute, but I just don’t get the whole concept of announcing what you’re singing about. These country music folks are very proud of where they come from. I like his voice, I like his simplistic charisma, and I’m a huge fan of Sexy Tractors (that was him, right? Or was that Kenny…? It was Kenny. I don’t know what else Brad sings), but maybe it’s because I don’t listen to it very often and can’t sing it, but I just can’t relate to being part of the country music family. There are no emotions in this song that I can draw from, and I feel a little left out. Oh, except now that he’s repeating famous lyrics of songs that I do hold close to my heart. Sorry, though, it’s not enough. But, you’re still pretty.

Vocal Duo of the Year goes to…Sugarland. Just not feeling them. But then again, I didn’t know Brooks & Dunn were still making music. Maybe the voters didn’t know, either. (But I do like Sugarland's personalities. I might not want to buy their album, but dinner would be fun!)

Hello, cuteness that is Lady Antebellum. “Hello World,” I think I’m a fan. It’s soft and controlled, yet strong. And I LOVE the lights on the stage. Finally, a song that I’m actually relating to. Even without a wife and children, I get this message…about coming home to “real life” and how “real life” can be so much better than our daydreams. I felt a little flutter from that performance.

Male Vocalist of the Year…Contenders are: oh, I’ve seen Dierks Bentley live, too! He was a great show! Ok, Blake and Miranda win my couple of the month award. And Blake Shelton is stealing my heart left and right. He wins for the night!

I am a HUGE fan of this song! (The Band Perry – If I Die Young) It was actually a song of the day not that long ago. And they sound really good. I like country, you don’t need all the spectacles…the simpler the performance, the better. I’m just not so sure about their hair. Wait! Where did they go…I wanted that whole song. Come back!!! And, now we’re back to blaring commercials, so, I'll just post it here:


Oh, good. I’m glad Carrie is performing again. I wanted her to have another chance. (What’s up with all the videos playing in the background? Is that normal for the CMA’s?) Her dress is gorgeous, Disney princess fairytale gorgeous, except I don’t think she can move in it. This is a nice song, “He Is Good” (or Mama’s Song for those country music fans). This is a very sweet performance, and I can relate it to my sister’s wedding a few weeks ago (See me finding an emotional connection?). I can understand country music…when they’re not singing about country music. I’m assuming that’s her husband in the video? Or maybe just an actor playing her husband, which is a little awkward, but I get it. Ok, this is a fun beat. Dierks Bentley “Up On the Ridge.” It’s a little playful, a little dirty, a little stalkerish sounding. I don’t know if it’s his voice or the song, though, but it’s not very pretty to listen to. I would say that I should download all of these songs and then compare the recording to the live music…but I just don’t see that happening. I’ll put it on Grooveshark tomorrow…not going to count anyone out just, yet.

(I’m a fan of Sissy Spacek. Just throwing that out there.)
Miranda's voice is winning me over a little singing Loretta Lynn (Her personality has already won me). This doesn’t build up her own album that much in my book, but at least as a country superstar, I get it a little more. Sheryl will always be “Strong Enough” to me, it’s hard for me to transfer her to country. But I’m going to get on this train anyway. They’re two talented women, and they sound really good right now. But Loretta just blew them out of the water. Why have someone else cover your song when you can still belt it yourself? And the outfit just makes it that much better. I want to hear her sing some more…guess that will be adding to Grooveshark tomorrow as well.

Female vocalist, that’s actually a really hard one. I can’t judge the winner, I just need to listen to Miranda’s album. The sound clips they’re playing right now have potential. And I absolutely love seeing people win awards with their idols standing right next to them. It’s inspiring and heartwarming. But, really, that dress?

I love when actors actually sing when they play musicians in movies. Gwyneth’s performance of Country Strong just convinced me to go see the movie that previously wasn’t on my list. Not sure if it’ll be good or not, but at least I know I’ll enjoy her. And, see, this song talks about being “Country Strong” without having to say “I’m a country singer and strong and here is a song about it.” I realize this was written for a movie, but just saying it can be done.


And final award, Entertainer of the Year: “If you see a turtle on a fencepost it had help getting up there.” I LOVE THAT! Ok, I’ll download this album. Brad Paisley, you are a stellar person. And this is a great acceptance speech, tears and all. He thanks the fans, his wife, and country radio. Nice!

I would like to end this by saying, I’m really impressed with the Nashville family. They all seem to get along, support each other, and genuinely believe in each other’s talents. In a world that is so torn apart and competitive, it’s really nice to witness this. Away from the Hollywood hoopla, it feels like this world just enjoys playing their music…together. It’s a nice change.

Fake Empire

Fake Empire - The National

Album: Boxer

Sometimes, when the weight of the world becomes too much to bear, I find myself slipping into a superficial state. It's a place where the only things that matter are the pumpkin spiced latte from Starbucks, the great pair of heels that I make my calves look incredible (but I can't walk in), and the unobtainable musician that may or may not have someone else in his eyeline. It's a place where a swoop of mascara and a dab of lipstick instantly make me prettier, and I can bat my eyelashes at a stranger trying to lure them into flirty eye contact if only for a wistful moment. This fake empire is a state of mind, where I block out heartache and sorrow and the struggles cascading down around me. I force questions out of my head instead filling my thoughts with cheesy pop lyrics, glasses of wine, and conversations about the difficult lives of the cast of 90210 and Gossip Girl.

But I can't live in this world forever. I don't want to live in this world forever...only to escape into it for a few fleeting moments when my heart can't take anymore of the real world I live in. It's a gentle reprieve, and I'm grateful for it.

Today the world lost an amazing man. My great uncle, I think is what he is, my uncle's uncle (but no blood relation) died this morning. We may have only been related through marriage, but he was more of a grandfather to me than one of my blood ones ever was. He was strong and kind and I don't know if I ever saw him without a bow tie around his neck. Every childhood memory I have of holidays, birthdays, even Sunday mornings at church, he is a part of. We grew really close after his first wife died when I was in elementary school, and I would sit next to him in the pew at church every week. I have a very small family, so each member is incredibly important and loved. And he's the first to go in a long time.

I know that all life eventually leads to death, and he had lived an amazingly good and long life. But it still gives that "what's the point" feeling. We live, we grow old (if we're lucky), and we die. It's a cycle that never ends, and sometimes it hurts so much, that I wish it would. Hurt is the wrong word. Pointless. Sometimes life simply feels pointless...and that leaves me feeling empty.

But most of all, I'm worried about my cousins. I only have two and growing up they were more like brothers than cousins. I talked to both of them tonight, and they seemed strong, but...lost. Lost in not knowing exactly what to feel. Big Mike was a man they looked up to tremendously, a man they loved with their whole hearts, and even though they've been preparing for months for today, it didn't help. My baby cousin, who's 25, and his fiance just got approved for a house today, a short time before he heard the news. Strange, it's almost like my post two weeks ago, about such extreme happiness and sadness mixed together that you don't know which is which. I think James had such a roller coaster of a day that he's been left suspended mid-air, not sure whether he's being taken to the top or about to be dropped to the bottom. Maybe both. And Trey, Trey I can't read very well anymore. We don't talk as much, and we've taken different directions with our lives, but I would call him the more sensitive of the two. We only spoke for a few minutes, but I didn't get the feeling the realization had sunk in quite, yet. And it might not until he gets home and the whole family is together.

And then there's my uncle. I can't get the picture out of my head of him holding his father's hand until he finally let go of life. But the vision is clouded by tears. I remember when my dad's mother died and trying to watch my dad for his reaction of what was going through his head. But he never really showed much emotion to me. I don't know if it's because he thinks he needs to be strong for the rest of the family or if it's easier to be emotional alone. If that's the truth, I think I get that from him.

It's a sad day. And I know the sad days only exist to make the good days brighter. But right now I just want to hide away for a little while...and when the sun rises tomorrow, start again.

XO-

EBG