Album: Everybody (Live version on Be OK)
I don't know the last time an artist brought tears to my eyes. But this song did something to do me last night. It's not quite a Core Craver...it's a Soul Sweller. I just made that up. Normally, a song that makes my soul swell is because I understand it so well, I can put a face or emotion to it, and I just simply "get" the lyrics. This one is different because I don't really have anyone that fits inside the perimeter. I did at one time have a series of people, boys, men, that I could have felt this way about (and by series I mean like 4, not like a line around the block), but that time has passed. Some of them I never dreamed would ever disappear that far from my life, but time really does heal all. This song brought up old feelings I haven't felt in quite awhile, not necessarily for these certain boys, but the memory of what it was like once upon a time. It's been a long time since that memory has been as vivid as it was last night, and it made me realize how much I've missed it.
It's an interesting moment, a defining one, when you realize you are over someone. It's not the "I'm done with you" moment or the "I refuse to cry about you anymore" moment, either. It's weeks, months, sometimes years later that you realize the feelings that once meant everything to you are gone. Doesn't mean I don't care, about them...about him. It just means The Chain doesn't immediately come off if he were to reappear. It would be a beginning again, a beginning that I don't yearn for, that I don't dream about, that I don't even miss.
The Chain is ready for something new. Maybe that's a person, maybe it's an adventure, maybe it's a best selling book (it could happen). "Battle scarred, I'm working oh so hard, to get back to who I used to be" (That's A Fine Frenzy, not Ingrid, but I'm mixing now). The work has been done, I'm more me than I've been in years, and I feel as if I might take flight at any moment.
XOXO-
EBG
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