If I Die Young

If I Die Young - The Band Perry

Album - The Band Perry EP (Full length out in October)

I don't know a lot of country music. And I definitely don't know how to find new country music. So, that's my sister's job. Today, after telling me that she downloaded A Fine Frenzy thanks to my Excellent Use of Music in TV Award last week, she sent me the name of The Band Perry. I had never heard of them, but I'll listen to anything once.

So, I go to their MySpace page (I hope MySpace learns to capitalize on the music, they might stick around for a while), and listen to the first song. If I Die Young. Then I listen to it again. Then I look up the lyrics. Then I watch the video. Then I watch the behind the scenes of the video. And then I watch the video on writing the song. Am I obsessed?

I don't have a fear of death. Or maybe I should say I don't have any sort of fear of the afterlife. What I do fear is not accomplishing everything I want to while I'm alive. I don't believe in Bucket Lists (though I do love The Buried Life on MTV). As much as I'm a checklist person, I don't need to "do" a bunch of things before I die to feel like I've had a full life. I want to be able to look back and say that I loved infinitely, laughed often, danced in the rain at every given chance, and that I left the world a better place than when I entered it. I absolutely love adrenaline rushes, and I'm usually up for almost anything. An adventure seeker some might call it. But that's part of my personality, it's what fuels me. It's not what I want to do. I want to connect people, help different parts of the world understand each other, understand tolerance. We're not really all that different, and I think the world would be a much happier, more peaceful place if we could just understand that. Understand similarities, enjoy differences.

But that being said, I don't feel like I've really done that, yet. And my greatest fear is leaving this earth before I do. I want to believe the words of this song, to sing them to myself and be at peace with death. But I'm not, yet. I don't feel like I've done anything "great" with my life. What's stopping me? Laziness? Fear of failure? I don't think it's either of those.

A friend posted this quote on her facebook page the other day. I actually think this sums it up more than anything else. I think I don't always feel like I deserve to be great:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?" Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same."

But now is a better time than any to start being great. Fabulous. Fierce. I love that word. Fierce. It feels strong, passionate, ready. That's what I feel now. Fierce.

Now, I just need to put it to use. And the only thing that's stopping me is...well, me. The more we give to the world, the more we get back. Life takes work. Relationships take work. Dreams take work. The question is, am I willing to work? Am I willing to risk it all?

I spend a lot of time afraid to want things because they may not be what God wants for me. But these past few months, I've tried to focus on lining up my wants with God's wants. I guess now is the time to start trusting that we're finally on the same page and to allow myself to feel these wants, to walk, or better yet run, towards them. If I'm going to trust God to lead more towards infinite happiness, I also have to trust that he's put me on the right path. Doesn't matter where I've been or how I got here. A new path begins with each step, enabling a change of direction, a change of scenery, a change of the outcome. Now, it's just putting my faith in that outcome, believing that my wants are not selfish. They're gifts that I only get if I work for them.

"The things, good Lord, that we pray for, give us the grace to labor for." - Saint Thomas More

XO-

EBG